..And i was completely lost

Nothing was going like the way I had planned and I knew if I was not able to perform I would be thrown out from the organization. The fear of throwing out from the organization used to motivate or compelled me to make some calls but responses of all those calls used to be same. People advise that to be a successful salesman one needs to keep his self-respect aside but we should not forget that even salesman is a human being and he has some self respect too. I won’t blame to my client either because they were not responsible for it .why would they buy my products if they didn’t feel like buying it. Gradually I realized that people don’t feel any need of buying insurance product because they are not ready to accept that they will die or they have an option to postpone it for some other time. But whatever was the reason, I was not able to sell even a single product. I started begging(Read: asking) from the staff for leads .I offered them some commission from the sell also. I was ready to share some part of my salary. I wrote letters to all my clients. but nothing worked .People say one needs to be optimistic and give the example of half filled water that one should not see emptiness of the glass but should see that it is half filled, but to see it half filled , there should be some water in it . How long a person can motivate himself, one day he will accept his defeat. I tried to push myself to the last mile .But nothing worked. I tried to make me happy in some peculiar ways.
Finally I started using my cell for my own purpose as I was not getting any lead so Rs 1200/- were going useless. I Started sending group SMS to all my friends in Bangalore. I don’t know why but that used to make me happy at least it was a nice way to let people know that there is a guy called Deepak Khandelwal is present in the city .I started talking to all of my friends every day. Some or other way I tried to pass time as I knew I had to spend 8 hours which becomes quite long when u don’t have anything to do . The whole life was a mess. I was surprised that how come people were able to sell insurance products. Whenever my colleagues used to become successful in selling the insurance, I used to call them and enquired about how they were able to sell and the answers I got were more discouraging. Some time their branch managers helped them or some time customers asked for the product which forced me to curse my own destiny. Why can’t i have the same type of customers who come and ask for the products or why can’t I have the same branch manager who can get the customers. Well… I accept that the work pressure from management side was not so much but it was my self- respect which used to make me sad. How long can I continue like this. One day management will ask for the policies. The moment I used to leave for the branch, I was aware that I would not be able to do any kind of business. Well thanks to internet, I was able to pass my time by seeking stock market fluctuation unlike my life which was pretty smooth. I won’t say that all 30 days were bad. 28th of every month used to make me happy as it was our salary day .But after some time even that day didn’t motivated me anymore. With keeping smile on the face, i was completely lost.